When the Lord was creating Vietnam Veterans...He was in His 6th day of overtime when an angel appeared.... "You are certainly doing a lot of fiddling around on this one"
And God said:
"Have you seen the spec's on this order? A Nam Vet has to be able to run 5 miles through the bush with a full pack on, endure with barely any sleep for days, enter tunnels where his higher ups wouldn't consider going, and keep his weapons clean and operable. He has to be able to sit in a hole all night during an attack, hold his buddies as they die, walk Point in unfamiliar territory known to be VC-infested, and somehow keep his senses alert for danger. He has to be in top physical condition, existing on C-rats and very little rest. And he has to have 6 pairs of hands."
The angel shook his head slowly and said: "6 pairs of hands??? No way!"
"It's, not the hands that are causing Me problems.... Itís the 3 pairs of eyes a Nam Vet has to have."
That's on the standard model?" Asked the angel.
The Lord nodded... " One pair that sees through elephant grass, another pair here in the side of his head for his buddies, another pair in front that can look reassuringly at his bleeding, fellow soldier and say: "YOU'LL MAKE IT!" When he knows he won't..."
"Lord, rest, and work on this tomorrow..."
"I can't!"... Said the Lord. "I already have a model that can carry a wounded soldier 1,000 yards during a fire fight, calm the fears of the latest FNG, and feed a family for 4 on a Grunts pay..."
The angel walked around the model and said: "Can it think?"
"You bet!"... Said the Lord. "It can quote much of the UCMJ, recite all it's General Orders, and engage in a Search and Destroy Mission in less time it takes his fellow Americans back home, to discuss the morality of the War, and still keep his sense of humor. The Nam Vet also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with Ambushes from Hell, comfort a fallen soldier's family, and read in his hometown paper about how Nam Vets are baby killers, psychos, addicts, and killers of civilians..."
Then the Lord gazed into the Future and said: "He will also endure being vilified and spit on when he returns home, rejected and crucified by the very ones he fought for..."
Finally, the angel slowly ran his finger across the Vet's cheek, and said: "There's a leak. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model..."
"That's not a leak!" Said the Lord. "That's a tear..."
"What's the tear for?" Asked the angel.
"It's for the bottled up emotions, for holding fallen soldiers as they die, for commitment to that special piece of cloth called "The American Flag", for the terror of living with PTSD for decades after the war, along with its demons, with no one to care or help..."
"You're a genius!" Said the angel, casting a gaze at the tear...
The Lord looked somber, as if seeing down Eternity's distant shores...
" I didn't put it there. " He said softly.
St. Peter and the 9th ID
One day, four young 9th ID warriors turn up outside the pearly gates.
St. Peter explained that before they could pass they must answer
one simple question.
Up walked the first guy. St Peter asked, "What's 2+2?"
The 1st warrior answered: "3"
"NO" said St Peter.
"NO" said St Peter.
"Yes; in you go."
Up comes the second warrior. St Peter asked him, "What's 2+2?"
He answered, "The square route of 16."
Very impressed, St Peter allows him past.
Up comes the third warrior. St Peter asked him, "What's 2+2?"
"It's greater than 2."
"But less than 6"
"It's greater than 3"
"But less than 5"
"Well done; in you go"
Up comes the fourth warrior. St Peter asked him, "What's 2+2?"
"5, Ooo-Rahhhhh!!!" and with no pause he barges past St Peter
and in through the Pearly Gates.
Observing all this, an angel asked St Peter, "What was all that
about?" St Peter answered, "It's perfectly obvious: there must
be a war on earth,
and those four men were all 9th ID veterans who have been killed."
"How can you tell they were 9th ID veterans?" inquires the angel.
"The first guy was an engineer -- dumb as seaweed and crude as
mud, but he kept hammering away until he got through."
"The second guy was an aviator -- provided me more
information than I really required."
"The third guy was an artilleryman -- uncomfortable with any
firm answer, but was bracketing to zero in on the correct answer."
"But what about the fourth guy?" inquired the angel. "He got it
wrong, and then tore through the gates anyway."
"Ahhhhhhhh," said St Peter, "That was a grunt --
dumber than dirt, but you've gotta just love 'em.